Do you tell the story of how you met completely differently? Can you not recall the first few months of your relationship? Does one partner completely forget about a major moment in your relationship? Did you forget about that big fight you had?
According to a study out of the University of Illinois, couples with distorted recollections of their relationship are less likely to marry. “People like to feel that they’re making progress as a couple. If they’re not–if, in fact, the relationship is in trouble–they may have distorted recollections that help them feel like they’re moving forward because they need a psychological justification to stay in the relationship,” said Brian G. Ogolsky, a U of I professor of human development and family studies.
“When a couple is considering making a lifelong commitment, they have a lot at stake. It’s important that they have accurate recollections of how their relationship evolved,” Ogolsky said.
How does one develop distorted recollections? Our memories can be affected by suggestion. We suggest and want to believe that our relationship is doing well, and therefor misremember how things really are so that we avoid constant disappointment. In short, you’re lying to yourself.
How can you be more realistic about your relationship?
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