You know the whole actions speak louder than words story you’ve heard from love coaches and advice articles? This isn’t one of those articles.
I want to walk you through a few scenarios with the men of my past.
Scenario #1: He sat in my bed and told me that he’s scared of falling in love. He dives in fast and runs away just as quickly, but this time he thought it would be different, because he was actually comfortable enough telling me this.
We did dive in.
He also ran just as fast.
He did exactly what he said he would do.
We went on and off like this for over a year.
I should have listened….
Scenario #2: At the start of our second date, he turned to me and said, “You scare me. You’re probably everything I’ve ever dreamed of, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for you.”
He pursued me anyway.
We fell in love.
We had a plan for marriage and kids.
His actions were one of a man who was ready, he loved me and wanted to be with me and do whatever it took to make that work. He showed his love everyday.
Yet, it took me a year and a half to realize, he was telling the truth that day because his language was uncertain and fearful and ate at our happiness.
I should have listened….
Scenario #3: “So you want the relationship, marriage and kids now?” he asked. “Yes!,” I replied emphatically. “I don’t,” he answered quickly.
This was on our first date.
5 minutes later, he went on to talk about the legacy he wanted to leave behind and how important family was to him. I asked if it meant leaving that legacy to his kids? He said, “Yes, I guess so.”
Oh, he must be confused, I thought to myself. Those answers were pretty contradictory. File that off as a mental note and be open to seeing what happens next.
The actions he took in his pursuit of me were pretty much as perfect as it gets.
He planned dates, introduced me to his friends, and told his mother about me. He bought flowers, wrote me love letters and kissed me like he loved me. We planned a romantic vacation together, inspired one another and had the ability to be both silly and serious with each other.
So what happened? This time I listened…
As amazing as our relationship was, anytime we’d talk about the future, his words contradicted his actions.
“I’m open to marriage, but I don’t believe in the constitution of marriage.”
“I’m open to having kids, but I don’t think I ever really need a family.”
“I’m falling in love with you, but I’m not ready.”
In each of these scenarios it was just as important to listen to their words, as it was to look at their action.
Their actions showed their feelings, but the words revealed their beliefs.
It’s my belief that words hold weight.
It’s the ability to set an intention in language and follow through in our actions that really separates the men from the boys.
Let’s be honest, that ability is what sets every person who is successful at something apart from those who are not.
Actions and words are equally important when building a healthy relationship.
While his actions can tell you a lot for the words that are unspoken, it’s time to pay close attention to the words that are spoken.
Are you taking the time to really listen?
If you’re ready to start listening, learn communication skills and create more intimate connections with men, I can help! Click here to schedule your free 30 minute consultation with me today to learn your communication challenges, reveal the subconscious patterns that are sabotaging your relationships and get a plan to overcome them.