Most believe that it’s the outside noise from our social media timelines, phone notifications and endless forms of entertainment at our fingertips that are coming between our relationships. Truth is, it’s the noise in our head that’s doing the most damage.
According to a study by the National Science Foundation, the average person has about 50,000 thoughts per day. That’s an overwhelming load of thoughts one has to carry.
The real trouble comes when you believe that you need to vocalize these thoughts to your partner so that they understand you. We feel most at need to share these thoughts when they are filled with negativity, insecurity and limiting beliefs.
Your feelings, emotions, you’re doubts and your fears are yours to manage and should not fall on your partner to solve or analyze with you. It’s time to stop vocalizing them to your partner and learn when to shut up.
The first thing you must ask yourself is, are my thoughts facts or feelings?
When to Shut Up:
When you answer that question with a lot of I feel like this, I think this, I feel that, I’m assuming this, etc. It is on you to manage those thoughts and you should take time to reflect on them by yourself before involving your partner.
Why do I feel this way? What’s leading to these thoughts? Is it my own insecurity? Am I just not sure? Am I being indecisive? Is it based on the past or what’s happening in front o f me?
If you’re having doubts or fears that are recurring for you, it’s on you to push through it. What’s the point of making your partner feel insecure and doubtful along with you?
This will only lead to stress in your relationship. Hold off on speaking to your partner about them until you have a better grasp on what you want that conversation to accomplish.
When To Speak Up:
If you’ve gone through the first half of the exercise and you realize your thoughts are triggered by cold hard facts or a need for a resolution, it’s time to speak up.
When a particular behavior from your partner is what’s causing you to have these thoughts you can talk to your partner about the specific behavior and what your needs are when this comes up again.
But be sure to stick to the facts and not all of the feelings and stories you’ve created about it. Speak up when there is something to resolve and you are ready to focus on the solution to make it better.
Once you’ve spoken your piece, it’s time to shut up and listen to your partner as they give you their thoughts on the subject. Don’t interrupt, judge or criticize and don’t think of your reply as they speak. Simply be quiet and hear what they have to say.
Remove your partner from your own emotional rollercoaster and take responsibility for resolving your thoughts and feelings. When you do, you will create a stable, balanced and happier relationship.
Need help deciphering between facts and feelings in your relationship? Do you want to get over uncertainty in your relationship? I can help! Book your FREE 30 minute clarity call with me here.