2 Dec 2015

Why Learning To SHUT UP Can Make Your Relationship Happier

Most believe that it’s the outside noise from our social media timelines, phone notifications and endless forms of entertainment at our fingertips that are coming between our relationships. Truth is, it’s the noise in our head that’s doing the most damage.

According to a study by the National Science Foundation, the average person has about 50,000 thoughts per day. That’s an overwhelming load of thoughts one has to carry.

The real trouble comes when you believe that you need to vocalize these thoughts to your partner so that they understand you. We feel most at need to share these thoughts when they are filled with negativity, insecurity and limiting beliefs.

Your feelings, emotions, you’re doubts and your fears are yours to manage and should not fall on your partner to solve or analyze with you. It’s time to stop vocalizing them to your partner and learn when to shut up.

The first thing you must ask yourself is, are my thoughts facts or feelings?

When to Shut Up:

When you answer that question with a lot of I feel like this, I think this, I feel that, I’m assuming this, etc. It is on you to manage those thoughts and you should take time to reflect on them by yourself before involving your partner.

Why do I feel this way? What’s leading to these thoughts? Is it my own insecurity? Am I just not sure? Am I being indecisive? Is it based on the past or what’s happening in front o f me?

If you’re having doubts or fears that are recurring for you, it’s on you to push through it. What’s the point of making your partner feel insecure and doubtful along with you?

This will only lead to stress in your relationship. Hold off on speaking to your partner about them until you have a better grasp on what you want that conversation to accomplish.

When To Speak Up:

If you’ve gone through the first half of the exercise and you realize your thoughts are triggered by cold hard facts or a need for a resolution, it’s time to speak up.

When a particular behavior from your partner is what’s causing you to have these thoughts you can talk to your partner about the specific behavior and what your needs are when this comes up again.

But be sure to stick to the facts and not all of the feelings and stories you’ve created about it. Speak up when there is something to resolve and you are ready to focus on the solution to make it better.

Once you’ve spoken your piece, it’s time to shut up and listen to your partner as they give you their thoughts on the subject. Don’t interrupt, judge or criticize and don’t think of your reply as they speak. Simply be quiet and hear what they have to say.

Remove your partner from your own emotional rollercoaster and take responsibility for resolving your thoughts and feelings. When you do, you will create a stable, balanced and happier relationship.

Need help deciphering between facts and feelings in your relationship? Do you want to get over uncertainty in your relationship? I can help! Book your FREE 30 minute clarity call with me here.

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6 Responses

  1. Pingback : FACTS: Why Learning To SHUT UP Can Make Your Relationship SO Much Better | Naija Rolls

  2. Kimberly Wise

    I have a boyfriend whom hates when we are talking and I start to talk over him .it’s a bad habit of mine.I do try not to it still happens and then he will say something to me about it and then I get upset and won’t talk .or if I’m quite when we are talking and I don’t say much giving him time to talk he asks me what’s wrong are you mad I can’t win .we have a long distance relationship and we visit each other often I truly love him and want this to work.help please.

    1. Hi Kimberly, If this is something that you do and you want to work on it, you have to be ok with him pointing it out to you and not getting frustrated wit him. How else will you know that you are doing it? And when you are listening and he just isn’t used to it, you can just explain that you are trying harder not to speak over him and that you are not upset. It’s all about communicating your thoughts and actions as you work through releasing the pattern.

  3. ridhi

    hi. i have been experiencing the retrograde energy a lot as a taurus ascendant. it has affected my relation with my romantic partner. mercury went retrograde in my sign early in jan and i had miscommunication or delays in it. my interest started a sexual relationship with someone he met during the shadow retro period and suddenly he’s all in love and commuted l in the retro phase even before june ended.
    will i see any improvements and do new relationships have life if they begin in retro?
    he is a gemini and started the relation when he had mars retrograding his saggi house

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