10 Sep 2014

When In Doubt, Ask Yourself This One Question

We all have standards and ideals for our relationships. We have a theory of what a “normal” relationship looks like based on the examples we see around us, both good and bad.

When a relationship doesn’t seem like the ideal we’ve set in our minds, or something we’ve seen before, we automatically assume it’s wrong and begin to have doubt. When that doubt starts to creep in, ask yourself one question; Does this work for me?

I like a guy with ambition, and in LA that may mean he works until late at night or on the weekends. I used to live this life, so I totally thought that this would be ok with me. I understand hustle. I’ve lived it, but as we discussed in the how we give and receive love article last week, I receive love with time. If the guy didn’t have time for me, I would constantly question where we stood and that did not work for me. I had to date this kind of guy over and over again until I realized what the problem really was and now I know I need a guy who is available on a Saturday night. That’s what does work for me.

Remember how I changed what a “normal” guy means to me. Sticking to this took some effort because when I dated a normal guy, he didn’t have the charisma (cause I hate the word swag) that I was used to, and I automatically thought it was wrong and doubted the relationship. Dating my old norm didn’t work for me. I had to stick to what I knew I needed, and when I did, it opened me up to a completely new type of man, a better man, that does work for me.

Doubt is good. It can raise red flags, and help you access where you really stand in a relationship as long as you look at it as an opportunity to ask yourself what works and doesn’t work for you.

In a relationship there are no ideals. There are no rules. There is only what we create with each other. Does that work for you?

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