28 Sep 2015

What Ghosting Actually Says About You

It’s becoming more apparent that ghosting is here to stay. Both men and women are using the slow fade to avoid that awkward conversation you once used to have. We used to have that conversation because we wanted to avoid that awkward run in, but these days you’re no longer meeting people in your social circles so you don’t have to worry about it as much.

The funny thing is that we are more socially connected and when we ghost we still have to see that person in some capacity online. This leaves us resentful and sometimes angry or sad with them for much longer than we ever anticipated.

If you’ve ever been in an intense relationship with someone that you were really into, you know the dark place you can go when they ghost. I once dated a man whom I really thought I’d end up with. He was intense. He wanted to get deep. I wasn’t used to that type of relationship so I took his lead. He grabbed me by the hand and he took me down this rabbit hole of emotions.

As someone who hadn’t been vulnerable in so long the experience was scary for me, but he was by my side and I felt like we could do anything together. Until one day I found myself at the bottom of the rabbit hole all by myself. He disappeared. There was no wonderland for us on the other side and I was left with more questions than answers.

We later reconnected as friends and spent a lot of time talking about what happened. He got scared and he did what he always did. He ran. He didn’t want to be the bad guy or the guy who disappointed me.

What he didn’t realize is that he became the bad guy as soon as he ghosted because he didn’t give me the opportunity to be complete with the relationship. While I didn’t feel complete, he was also left incomplete in his behavior.

That’s what ghosting actually says about you. When you choose to ghost, there is something that’s incomplete about you. Maybe it’s fear of getting close to someone, fear of rejection, fear of confrontation, or the fear or being the bad person.

No matter the fear, if you allow it to rule the way you communicate and relate to others you are living an incomplete life. That type of life is so small and you deserve to live a life where you can have the freedom to share what you want and don’t want with others.

If you’re not into them, say so. If you’re afraid of getting close to someone, say so. Give them the opportunity to be complete and spare them the trouble of wondering what they did wrong.

It’s the complete thing to do.

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10 Responses

  1. Sarah

    Oh my….this is exactly what happened to me and I spent a damn year WONDERING WHAT I DID! Good term for it. Men like this are also cowards in my book!

    1. Hey Sarah, sometimes it’s easier to avoid than to deal with our issues. That’s why these men do this. BUT, this has absolutely nothing to do with you! You did nothing and I’m glad I could give you some clarity about it.

      1. Sarah

        I already kind of knew this in the back of my mind, and he did finally admit to it A YEAR LATER….haha, but it didn’t alleviate the sting or the 12 months I spent doing exactly what you said we do….wondering what the hell WE did wrong. 🙁 Thank you so much for an amazing article. I have your website bookmarked now! You’re amazing!

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  3. Patrice

    This was a great article. I liked how you explained ghosting, and the damage it does when we do it or someone does it to us. It is hurtful, and irresponsible behavior. Talking about it makes people aware of their actions and inaction.

  4. Cindy

    When someone ghosts on you, should you send them a message saying “ghosting is poor” to make them aware after a friendly “how are you?” message has been ignored and the date went really well and he messaged after or do you not give them the satisfaction of knowing they have hurt you?

    1. Hi Cindy, how long has it been from the time of the date till he sent the message? I always try to approach every situation with curiosity. We don’t know what may have been going on in his life.

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