Feeling secure is one of the fundamental needs in a relationship. After all, without security there is presence of doubt. And with doubt comes trouble for your relationship.
How is security defined?
Generally speaking, security is a feeling of certainty that everything is OK and that all your basic needs will be provided for. Within your relationship there’s a need to feel secure emotionally, financially, physically and spiritually.
On the surface there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s great to feel secure. But how we’ve come to define security is what’s plaguing our relationships. A majority of us define feeling secure with external factors. Having a certain amount of dollars in the bank, a stable job, solid relationship, physical safety, etc.
Once those external factors are stable we then feel more secure in ourselves and in having a relationship. As the recent pew research survey showed, financial security is the number one factor why men are not getting married. These external factors are definitely having an effect on our relationships. As soon as they are threatened, so is our security and our relationship.
Begin to define your security internally.
If you want to feel more secure in your relationship you should begin by trusting in yourself and build a mutual trust with your partner. When you begin to trust your ability to think and take action as a couple no matter the external factors, you will have security.
The externals will always change. The relationship will waiver, you can loose a job, and one of you can get sick. If you trust in each others commitment to take positive action for your relationships no matter the external factors, you will feel secure.
Success in any part of your life requires action and as with anything it begins with you. All you need to feel secure is to think and to take action. You don’t need any specific set of external circumstances to feel secure. Consistently thinking, saying it as so and taking action is what will build that mutual trust between you.
From there you can move forward in your commitment as a couple to a more fulfilled life together that is no longer bugged down by uncertainty. You’ll know that no matter what happens, you will take action and move forward together.
How do you feel secure?
You get to choose how you define feeling secure, but you must choose this as a couple. When one person within the relationship defines security externally and the other one internally, you won’t be able to feel secure together.
At any moment of any day, you get to choose if you are secure. Believing that you can handle anything life throws at you is a choice. You don’t need external validation. You need to trust your partner and know that you are thinking and taking action towards the greater good of your relationship.
That’s what you need to feel secure.