18 Jul 2014

Teach Me How To Love

I am the epitome of this song. Every single word that Musiq sings, speaks to my experiences. I normally take a quote from the song, but I could literally paste the entire song here (and I will at the bottom).

Side note, Musiq was the original hashtag master. He didn’t use hashtags but didn’t use spaces in most of his songs.

Back to the topic… When you’re single for so long, you do need to be taught how to love again. Not necessarily by someone, though following their lead is helpful, but in practice. You have to notice what you do that works against who you actually want to be in that relationship.

It’s not that I don’t want to be affectionate or loving, it’s by pure habit that I’m not.

I’ve spent the majority of my adult life building habits in order to not fall in love. No cuddling, no PDA, no vulnerability, no real communication. Breaking those habits has been one of my biggest challenges and the biggest complaint I’ve gotten from men that I’ve dated because they don’t ever truly know where I stand with them.

I’ve been lucky enough to have some patient men come into my life. I had to clearly communicate what I needed. I needed them to call me out on my shit. I had to share who I have been, and who I want to be and to actively work at being that person; affectionate, vulnerable and intimate.

I’ve come along way… I can cuddle, show some pda, and tell someone I miss him. I even got a new couch so that my house would be more inviting to affection. I still have a long way to go before I truly know how to love.

[Verse 1:]
I was told the true definition of a man was to never cry
Work till you tired (yeah) got to provide (yeah)
Always be the rock for my fam, protect them by all means
(and give you the things that you need, baby)
Our relationship is (suffering) trying to give you (what I never had)
You say I don’t know to love you baby
Well I say show me the way
I keep my feelings (deep inside I)
Shadow them (with my pride eye)
I’m trying desperately baby just work with me

Teach me how to love
Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I’m so lost
Teach me how to love
How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me, show me how to love
Show me the way to surrender my heart, girl I’m so lost
Teach me how to love
How I can get my emotions involved
Teach me, how to love

[Verse 2:]
I was always taught to be strong
never let them think you care at all
Let no one get close to me
Before (you and me)
I den’ shared things with you girl about my past
That I’d never tell to anyone else (no)
Just keep it to myself, (yes)
Girl I know I lack affection and expressing my feelings
It took me a minute to come and admit this but
See I’m really tryna (change now)
Wanna love you better, (show me how)
I’m trying desperately baby please work with me


Ain’t nobody ever took the time to try to teach me what (love was but you)
And I ain’t never trust anyone enough to let em tell me (what to do)
Teach me how to really show it and show me how to really love you baby
(Teach me please just show me yeah)
‘Cause I’m (willing)
To let (go) of my (fears) girl I’m (serious)
About (all that I’ve said)
Girl I (wanna love you) with (all my heart)
Baby show me where to start


Girl just teach me how to love you better
You know I wanna love you better girl

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