Jealousy.. I haven’t experienced that feeling in years. One could argue that if you don’t care about someone, as I avoided doing for so long, you can’t possibly be jealous, but science now confirms that jealousy is a form of aggression you experience when you love someone, and you can’t exactly control it.
So you’re not the only crazy jealous person around!
4 drinks in, and 3 months into my relationship, it happened. I got jealous. We were at a bar in Santa Monica with some friends. It was our 3rd stop in a night full of bar hoping. The boyfriend doesn’t drink, so I try to take advantage of my DD and get it in from time to time. We were out with another couple, my friends, all having a really great time together. I was dancing and he offered to go get me another drink. What felt like forever (but was quiet possibly just a minute or two) passed and I looked over to the bar to see some girl introducing her self to him.
She was a taller and super muscular. You could see her bicep without her flexing and her arm had to be bigger than my head, but I still marched right over and got in between them to grab my drink. He handed it to me, and even though I was right there, she was still trying to interact, asking for his name and shaking his hand over my head. So I turned to her and said “his name is my boyfriend”. She immediately apologized and walked away.
“That was new” he immediately stated. “I saw a situation and I felt like I needed to get my drink” I replied. “Ok but She was big, I don’t know if you could take her” was his answer to which I replied with a firm, “As long as I can take my shoes off, I got this”.
So what led to this aggressive behavior? A new study conducted by Michael Poulin, associate Professor at University of Buffalo found that it’s natural for humans to exhibit aggressive behaviors if and when they need to protect their loved ones. The catch is that this desire can be evoked without an actual sign of real danger. “It’s not about anger or feeling personally threatened,” explained Poulin. Just a simple threat to you or your loved one’s ego is enough to trigger this compassionate aggression.
Poulin believes that two neurohormones appear to be among the mechanisms contributing to the counterintuitive response. Neurohormones are chemicals produced by nerve cells that act as both hormones in the blood stream and neurotransmitters in the brain. “Both oxytocin and vasopressin seem to serve a function leading to increased approach behaviors”, he said, explaining that people are motivated by getting closer to others.
So yeah, that was it. I just felt compassion and wanted to get closer to the boyfriend.