When you’re a kid, forgiveness is taught to you as a two way street. In kindergarten Tommy took your crayons, he was forced to apologize, and you were forced to forgive him. In reality, you probably resented little Tommy for years to come.
As an adult, we wait for the apologies and often they never come. Even when they do, we hold on to what the person did as evidence or proof of story.
We carry the baggage of those who wronged us our entire life. Bag after bag, wrong doing after wrong doing, carrying that baggage is a heavy and exhausting burden to live with.
There are those who don’t feel this burden. They are able to forgive even those who don’t deserve it.
They are able to do that because they know these 4 things:
The alternative will keep you stuck.
Those who forgive know the alternative is bleak. Not forgiving means you are holding on to grudges, resentment and contempt.
To not forgive means holding on to the pain of what hurt you. When we hold on, we repeat the pattern that caused the pain over and over again.
When you hold on to the hurt or act and replay it for yourself over and over again, you in turn manifest that behavior in your life, instead of focusing on a new positive possibility.
Forgiving is for you and not for them.
Ever asked your friend who forgives all, “why would you forgive him?” Therein lies the problem. We think that forgiving is about the other person. That forgiveness relieves them of their wrongdoing, or means that we stay with them.
In truth, forgiveness is not for the other person. Forgiveness is for you. Without forgiveness you are not able to move on. You forgive so that you don’t have to live in what happened to you, and get to just be you.
Forgiveness isn’t an exclusive club.
You can’t simply forgive those who are sorry and apologetic. You must forgive anyone and everyone who you need to forgive, even those who don’t deserve it. You forgive everyone because your life doesn’t happen in a funnel.
The hurt you feel from family will show up in your romantic relationships. The baggage your carry around from your friendships will show up as lack of trust in your co-workers. The abuse you experienced as a kid will show up in every area of your life because life is not an isolated incident.
This also means forgiving yourself.
To forgive is to let go.
It’s not enough for us to be self-aware and know that the hurt exists. Only in forgiving will you be at peace with your past so that it won’t sneak into your future.
Forgiving means letting go. When you are able to let go of the past and of the hurt, you are creating a brand new space for you to live in. You are opening up a space for acceptance and a deeper level of love.
Are you ready to forgive, let go of your past and create a space for new love in your life? Ravid can help! Schedule a FREE 30 minute clarity session to discuss your challenges and get you the love and life you desire.