19 Dec 2014

Is Your Boyfriend Not Ready for Marriage Because of His Career?

Fewer men are getting married than ever before, and the number one reason why is because of their financial stability.

When he says he’s not ready because his career is not where he wants it to be, he’s not the only one. “More than a quarter of those who say they want to marry someday say they haven’t yet because they are not financially prepared.” According to a Pew Research Report.

That same research shows he’s not the only one that worries about his career. 78% of Women site a “Steady Job” as very important to them in choosing a potential spouse.

Because of that pressure to have it all together before marriage, fewer men are getting married. Since research shows that the declining divorce rates are due to shared income household and a new marriage model, why is this pressure still so high?

As a dating and relationship coach, I believe that there’s a way for couples to contribute to one another and share their responsibilities as a path for growth that will lead to marriage. If you’re boyfriend is feeling the pressure, and he’s looking to decide between his career and your relationship, there is something you can do about it.

  1. Determine what Financial Stability Means to You As A Couple: How does he determine his financial stability? Could he be chasing a number that doesn’t exist in reality for most? Attach a number or a goal to this statement so that you know you’re both working towards something specific and not arbitrary.
  2. Have a Career Path/Plan: Put together a plan for your career path and goals. If you don’t have a plan for your career, that someday when you’ll be financially secure may never come.
  3. Be Supportive Of Each Other: You both have to be supportive of your partner’s dreams and aspirations. This may mean that achieving financial stability for your future family will come before quality time for the foreseeable future. Know that it’s an investment in your future and support it.
  4. Have Shared Interests: Sharing interests will create a balance for you away from the career chase. Maybe you’re active together, or share an eye for the arts? Getting away from work together and enjoying each others company can help strengthen your relationship.
  5. Have Shared Vision In Having And Raising Kids: Men site that this is the #1 trait they look for when choosing a spouse. You may not be ready for kids now, but when you are, you want to make sure you share a vision on having kids, how many and how to raise them. Having this shared vision will also act as a driver to achieve financial success together.
  6. Live Within Your Means: While you may not be financially stable enough to get married today, you also don’t want to date someone who is creating financial debt that you will have to take on in the future. Be responsible with your finances now as a building block for your future together.

With the right partner, you can have the support you need to reach your career goals and have the love, balance and the family you seek.

 

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5 Responses

  1. Matty Ice

    Men are getting married less because they are waking up to the fact there is no upside of marriage for men. Since nearly 50% marriages will fail and the courts heavily favor women in divorce and courts have repeatedly ignored pre-nup contracts getting married is one of the worst decisions a man can make in his life.
    They had a recent study that showed another reason men are marrying less is because women are no longer “women” also a sure fire way that a man can know not to take the unnecessary risk of marriage is a woman who refuses to take his last name..it’s a sure fire sign that she is not committed to the relationship
    The way I see it, marriage for a man is like playing Russian Roulette with 3 bullets in the chamber and there is no reward for risking to play the game to begin with.

    1. HI Matty, This article actually cites a study that shows that marriages are not ending in divorce 50% of the time, only 17% so that argument should be debunked. I understand your concerns about women not being women, and share tips for women on this blog on how they can be independent yet feminine. I don’t believe you can find love if you go into a situation thinking that there’s a bullet on the other side of the chamber. I hope that whatever it is you have gone through that has given you this perspective can be healed in time and that you find happiness in your life.

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