9 Feb 2015

Is Your Independence Keeping You Single?

Ladies, we can do everything all on our own, but what if the very thing that makes you independent is also the thing that’s keeping you single?

A while back, I caught a flat on the way to a lunch date. Always one for punctuality, I decided to drive to the date anyway, which was really close by, and deal with the flat afterwards.

“I’m sorry I was late, I had a flat on the way here,” I explained to my date.

“Are you OK? Don’t worry about it. Do you have AAA? I can call them if you need me to,” he offered.

I thanked him and told him not to worry about it. I’m not one to be a damsel in distress, and knew I would take care of it later in the day. That was my first mistake.

After a really great date he offered to look at my tire and wait with me for a tow-truck. I didn’t want to inconvenience him since this was a lunch date and he had to get back to work, so I once again declined his offer. Mistake repeated.

As so often happens in my life, someone (a man nonetheless) was offering to help me, and I refused it. I can in fact do it all by myself, and that has proven successful in my career, but that mentality goes directly against how a man shows love. Or at least in the case of this first date, that he liked me and was a gentleman.

Would it have been that hard for me to just say yes? It wasn’t like I was asking for help. He was offering. The “I can do it all myself” mentality did not allow him to give to me as he would naturally do, and in turn subconsciously turned him off.

A man who is looking for a long term relationship is attracted to a woman who is receptive to what he can provide for her and who he is. That man often shows his affection for you by giving acts of services before he is able to speak to love. If you don’t allow yourself to receive he will stop giving, and once he stops giving to you, he will give to someone else.

If you’re looking for a partner, you have to stop with the “I got this” mindset. There is no “I” in team or in a couple. If he offers to help, accept it. If he gives, say thank you and enjoy it.

This will take lots of practice on your end, I should know. After years of developing this pattern, I still have a hard time accepting from others. Saying “no, thank you” has become a reflex. I have to make a conscious effort every single day to allow my partner to help me.

Start practicing today. If your date or significant other offers to help you, give you something, open a door, buy you lunch, or just about anything else, say YES enthusiastically and see what a difference it will make in your love life.

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7 Responses

  1. Lela

    LOL This sounds JUST LIKE ME!!!! EXACTLY LIKE ME. I am soooo INDEPENDENT and don’t want to inconvenience anyone. My grandmother told me to always be able to take care of myself and in ALL my relationships I take over the MAN ROLE and will not allow myself to be a dependent woman period. I will take this advise as well should I ever get into another relationship.

  2. Mark

    Such a good article. I’m seeing a girl at the moment who is very independent and won’t allow me to do acts of service much of the time. It’s really turning me off to the whole thing.

    1. Thank you Mark. If you’re into this girl and that’s the only turn off, I would advise you to tell her. Sometimes we ladies don’t realize we do this because it’s just our reflex. Sit her down and tell her that you like her, and appreciate how independent she is, but that it makes you feel good to be able to do something nice for her sometimes.

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