13 Jul 2015

If You Use These Words You Are Slowly Killing Your Relationship

Have you ever asked your partner how their day was and they responded by only saying “It was good.” Have they ever asked you “What’s wrong?” and you automatically answered with, “I’m fine.”

‘I’m Fine’, ‘everything is good’, ‘I’m OK’ and other similarly general statements are just blurted out by us without any real consideration for their consequences. They’re so automatic that we don’t even realize that we’re saying them, but when we do we slowly kill our relationship.

How are these seemingly harmless phrases doing such damage? Here are 3 ways they are ruing your relationship.

  1. There’s No Room For The Conversation To Grow. Communication is one of the most important elements in your relationship and by being so general with your statements you are cutting the conversation short before it can really begin. If you are ‘fine’ with not really talking at all, go ahead and take this approach. If you’re interested in having more profound conversations, your answers should leave room for growth.
  1. You’re Not Really ‘Fine.’ Being so general creates room for doubt. Are you really fine? Is everything really good? There must be something interesting that’s happening with your day. Stop saying such general things and start talking about the real stuff. If you don’t share yourself, your partner can’t attempt to understand what’s really going on with you.
  1. You’re Creating Bad Communication Habits. If there’s no room for the conversation to grow and doubt is created by your generality, you are closing yourself off to your partner. Without even realizing it, you have just dismissed their interest in you and you are training them not to ask.

These general phrases are slowly picking away at your relationship, but you can make a difference in how you communicate right away. Here’s how…

  1. Be more specific with your questions. General questions are met with general answers. If you are more specific in the way you communicate and the questions that you ask, you will get more specific answers that you can build on. Don’t ask how was your day? Ask, How was your meeting with the new client? – if you’re still getting a general answer, ask a follow up like “were they on board with the plan?”
  2. Be more specific and honest with your answers. Stop generalizing your life. Share your day fully – the good and the bad with your partner. Share your thoughts and feelings about something you are going through.

Building a relationship and your communication is all about the details. We must be more aware of what and how we say things or one day you’ll find yourself not communicating at all.

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