I’ve spent the last 5 months studying and getting my “it” in check. “It” is in reference to the voice in my head. “It” runs our life! Even when we clearly want something else, “it” will do its best to convince us that the way we already know serves us best.
So when you’re up against “it” in your relationships, how do you know if this is how YOU truly feel or if it’s just “it” thinking/talking on your behalf?
DON’T BUY INTO YOUR OWN BULLSHIT
“it” can be very loud, but will the thoughts and actions you are taking make a difference in your life and relationship? How legitimate are your concerns? Do they truly not work for you in your life, or is this just you mind fucking yourself out of something? Make an effort to recognize what works and what doesn’t work for you.
I have a tendency to nit pick when I first start dating someone. I used to critic artist’s images for a living, so this was second nature to me. The small things I was sweatin’ were not a factor in the legitimacy of our connection, but I was buying into the bullshit, and letting “it” talk me out of dating someone I could legitimately like.
YOU HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU’RE COMMITTED TO
Are you committed to having a happy and healthy relationship, that’s dramatically different than the relationships you’ve had in the past? If you are, then noticing similar patterns to how you behave in the past will be pretty simple to do. When you see that pattern come up for you, ask yourself, is this who I’m committed to being?
In my case, I’ve been single for so long that “It” can predict and survive as single and is completely content in staying the same. “It” doesn’t like change and being in a relationship will give “it” new challenges. I have to fight that voice in my head every step of the way.
WHEN YOU CAN’T GET “IT” TO SHUT UP, CREATE.
Now you know what you’re committed to, and that some of your concerns weren’t much to be concerned about, so how do you keep that voice in your head tamed? You create. Whenever there’s a moment of doubt, you create a way of being or an action that will be true to your commitments.
When you create something completely new for yourself, you invent a new future for yourself free of your patterns and the past.
In order for my relationship to succeed, I create a way of being that is loving, understanding, patient and vulnerable. When “it” is sabotaging, “it” is not concerned with me being true to that way of being. That’s when I know that this isn’t ME, it’s just “IT”.