12 Apr 2017

How to get what you want, without manipulation tactics

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“I’ve been trying to figure something out about you for days,” my business partner said to me over the weekend.

“What do you mean?” I asked – ever so curious.

“There’s something about you that makes people want to do things for you, especially men, even though in some cases they’ve never even met you. Do you know what it is?”

Let me take a step back now…

You may not know this about me, but outside of my coaching business I am also an entrepreneur. I’ve helped to develop two patented products and my latest co-creation recently launched on Kickstarter.

This particular venture has 4 partners, of which I’m the only woman. I lead our marketing efforts and as a start-up our funds are limited, which often means I have to find creative ways to get things done.

Have my business partner try to explain it and he’ll tell you it’s everything from my energy to the way my hair smells that makes men want to do things for me, but it’s really much simpler than that.

I’m bold enough to ask.

And when you ask in a way that invites other to be a part of something bigger, you 9 out of 10 times, will get what you want.

This isn’t limited to a marketing project or product; the same results can be created in your personal and romantic relationships.

So why aren’t you getting what you want?

You haven’t asked and there are 3 likely reasons why:

  1. Fear of being rejected and hearing no – this is a big one in our relationships. Sometimes we don’t want to hear no or know the answer to something, so we don’t ask at all. Leaving us disappointed either way.
  2. You don’t want to look needy – so you tackle everything on your own till you burn out or explode with frustration.
  3. You assume that men should know what you want/need – since you, a woman is intuitive enough to understand his needs, shouldn’t he know yours? NO. Remember we are programmed differently and he can’t read your mind.

When you ask for someone’s help or to give you what you need, you’re actually allowing them to show up for you and be a part of something bigger.

What’s this big thing they want to be a part of? It’s your happiness.

I know it sounds crazy, but men really do want to see you happy.

When you make your ask, fill them in on what it provides (i.e. happiness or to better your day), show appreciation for what they do, and watch them do it over and over again.

No manipulation. No games. Just ask!

If you ask and they say no, don’t take it personal. There’s something happening in their world that isn’t allowing them to show up that way and it has absolutely nothing to do with you.

When’s the last time you asked for what you wanted?

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