It’s a story that romantic movies are made of.
She was on vacation by herself. Her mother fell ill prior to their planned trip and she decided to go at it alone. She was visiting the island from New York City.
He was a local taking the day off to surf when he saw her sitting by herself on a secluded beach.
Their attraction was immediate and lead to a passionate love affair. She kept extending her trip until she could no longer put off her work and was forced to return home to the big city.
He followed her there. Left his home behind and they were married shortly after.
They were so in love and then this happened….
Six months later he found himself miserable. He no longer had nature to nurture his soul. He felt cramped in their tiny Manhattan apartment and even though people surrounded him 24/7, he couldn’t make any meaningful connections.
She lived her life as she always had. Chasing the big dream in the city, working 80 hours a week, always on the grind. She didn’t have the ease of her ‘vacation-self’ and became controlling and intense.
He lost himself in the process.
Love wasn’t enough to keep them together.
The reality of a successful relationship vs love alone is one that takes work and a foundation of similar values, lifestyle and goals.
Caught up in their love affair, this couple never took the time to think about what was important to them and what made them tick, let alone a good partner.
We all want love. Most of us want a family. But what that shared life looks like, is very different for each of us. It’s what makes a relationship uniquely ours.
The problem is that most of us don’t take the time to really define that. We think that love is enough and that love will conquer all.
For this couple the lives they wanted to live beyond her vacation, the one that fulfilled them was extremely different from the other.
For you, the question to begin asking yourself is what kind of life do you want to live? Figuring out the vision for your life is the first step to a successful love life.
To begin figuring that out, grab a notebook or open up that word document and begin answering the following questions:
- What are you passionate about?
- Which of these passions do you want to share with your partner?
- What traditions do you value?
- Which of those values will your partner have to share with you?
- What does an ordinary weekend look like for you and a partner?
- What activities do you want to share?
- Where and how do you find your peace? Where is your place of solitude?
- Are you committed to finding a long lasting relationship or are you looking for someone to share time with when you have the time?
- What are your challenges in love?
- Are you actively working through those challenges?
- How do you want to communicate with your partner?
- How much time do you have to invest into a relationship?
- Are you willing to make time?
- How important is health and fitness to you?
- What does family look like to you?
- What role do you play in a relationship?
Start highlighting some of the more important answers you wrote down and the things you are most passionate about sharing with your partner. What does that look like?
The vision for your life is important because your relationship has to work in harmony with all areas of your life. It doesn’t stand on it’s own.
Without knowing what you want, how will you know that you’ve found it? How will you be able to communicate your needs? How will you make sure that you don’t lose yourself and what’s important to you?
It all starts with a vision.