There’s a thin line between ego and self-esteem. At first, it can present itself as one in the same and you’re attracted to his confidence, strength and assertiveness. But as you dig deeper into your relationship, you’ll learn that the ego will only serve itself and therefor ruin your relationship.
What’s the difference between ego and self-esteem?
Men with big egos are often insecure and trying to cover up those insecurities by overcompensating. In truth, the man with a big ego lacks confidence and self-love.
On the other hand, a man with high self-esteem has confidence in his own abilities, knows his shortcomings and loves himself. He’s secure enough in who he is and is able to unmask.
So are you dating the man or his ego? Here are 8 signs to look for:
- He talks about himself, a lot.
The ego is more interested in his own life and struggles than he is in yours. Often when you share something, he can turn it around and make it about him. Notice who’s doing most of the talking and sharing in your relationship. Does he hijack every topic and answers questions on your behalf in social situations?
- He protects himself first.
The ego wants to protect itself before all else, even if it means protecting itself from being bruised by you. It often runs away at any sign of a struggle and will build evidence to justify his actions even if it means hurting you in the process.
- He won’t take your advice.
God forbid you are right about something and he’s wrong. And what if he takes your advice and something amazing happens? He won’t be able to take all the credit and his ego can’t take that.
- He compares himself and your relationship to others.
The ego is served by outside circumstances instead of internal love. When his ego is running the show it will often compare itself to others to measure it’s self worth. The worst of it is when he compares himself to you and loses self-esteem when he believes you outperformed him.
- He’s not present.
The ego decides what is worth his time and what’s not. The ego is unable to stay present and in the moment. He is inpatient and can’t connect easily with others.
- He’s here for the boost.
This relationship serves him and his ego. He’s dependent on your love and affection to boost his self-value. Even when he knows he’s not for you, he will keep you around because you give him that boost.
- He criticizes you often.
The ego thrives when others fail. He’s quick to point out your faults or tell you when you are wrong, but he never gives you constructive criticism on how to do better.
- He’s jealous.
His ego is the only important person in your life. He keeps bringing up your ex that you’re still friends with and asks you where you are if you’re out past a certain time. He doesn’t like how much time you spend or how close you are with your family.
We all have an ego and when left unchecked, it will destroy your relationships with anger, resentment, fear and jealousy. So let go of the man with the self-serving ego, and get with the guy who loves himself.
The man, who doesn’t love himself, will never be able to truly love you.
Want to figure out if you’re dating him or his ego? I can help! Book your free 30 minute clarity call with me here.