TalentSmart has tested more than a million people and found that those who are most successful in life are those who rank high in emotional intelligence.
What makes one higher in emotional intelligence? When you are able to think logically and not emotionally. While that’s no easy task, we can train ourselves to do things differently over time.
Emotional intelligence is important to develop because it affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions that achieve positive results. And isn’t that what we all want; more positive results in our relationships?
The below behaviors are the kinds of things that emotionally intelligent people do to have more successful relationships. Give these strategies a shot by acting on them daily as they appear for you with your partner.
- Forgive Yourself & Your Partner
Whatever you did, or was done to you in the past that failed you in your relationships, you have to let it go. Otherwise you are entering a vicious cycle of self-hate, and will likely indulge in this behavior again recreating the past for yourself.
Emotionally intelligent people know that success lies in their ability to rise in the face of failure, and they can’t do this when they’re living in the past. Anything worth achieving is going to require you to take some risks, and you can’t allow past failures to stop you from believing in your ability to succeed. When you live in the past, that is exactly what happens, and your past becomes your present, preventing you from moving forward.
Forgive yourself for what you’ve done or how you allowed yourself to be treated.
- Don’t Seek Perfection
Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know it doesn’t exist. You are human. Your partner is human. Allow yourself to be human.
If perfection is what you seek, you are destined to fail and spending your time mourning your failures and wondering what you should have done differently instead of moving forward excited about the possibilities that are available to you.
It’s ok to mess up. It’s ok if your partner doesn’t check everything off your list.
- Focus on Solutions
We often spend more time harping on the issue we are having with our partner and the emotions we feel towards them instead of finding a solution to that problem.
Emotionally intelligent people won’t dwell on problems because they know they’re most effective when they focus on solutions.
Stop trying to make yourself right, and them wrong, and focus on how to fix things.
- Avoid Asking “What If?”
“What if?” questions are another way for you to dwell on the should haves and could haves instead of taking actions to move forward in your life and relationships.
“What if I’d done this differently?” Feel free to ask yourself this question and focus on the solution as stated above, but don’t get stuck in the problem. The key distinction here is to recognize the difference between worry and solution focused thinking.
Ask yourself these questions first: Is this “What if?” question going to take me down a rabbit hole of unnecessary emotion? Will I come out with a plan by taking this action? Have I asked myself this questions before, only to find myself without the solution?
- Stay Positive
Thinking negatively will invite negativity into your life. Your thoughts manifest themselves and by staying positive, more positive things will happen.
Don’t think about what might go wrong; think about what can go right. Even when something does go wrong, ask yourself, what did I learn? There is a positive perspective to be gained from every experience you have.
- Take Care Of Yourself
That means eat well, sleep, exercise and take time for you. If you’re not healthy, your relationship won’t be healthy.
Getting your body moving for as little as 10 minutes releases GABA, a neurotransmitter that makes your brain feel soothed and keeps you in control of your impulses.
Sleep deprivation raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without a stressor present, its no wonder you’re cranky. Take care of yourself.